week 10 story: Origin Story
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| Alaskan lights Source: Wikimedia |
Once upon a time there were seven brothers who all lived in Alaska with their mom. All the brothers loved to play a game called hopscotch. The boys loved this game so much that they would often miss or be very late to dinner because they would be playing it for so long. The boys missing dinner so much really aggravated the mother because food would go cold and sometime wasted. So one day for dinner the mom was making rice and beans and put some mud inside the dish which is what the kids used to created their hopscotch board. So when the kids came to eat that day and ate the food they immediately spit it out and ask the mother what was in it. the mother told them she put mud in it because they love playing hopscotch so much and missing dinner, so they can have hopscotch for dinner. This stunt the mom pulled angered the brothers so they all ran outside and started to do the feather dance and ask the spirits to be taken away to a new place so so they wouldn't be treated like this about their mom again. About 20 minutes went by until the mom had some mothers intuitions come on to her and felt like something was wrong. The mother ran outside and noticed the kids doing the feather dance but while they were doing it, their feet were hovering off the ground! The brothers had started to float up into the sky as if there was no gravity. The mother quickly ran over to the boys and was only able to grab one of them and pulled him down to the ground quickly. When the boy was pulled down, it was as if gravity came back but quadrupled so the boy had hit the ground so hard they he was forced underground and covered up by the earth and no longer able to be seen or heard. Meanwhile the other six brothers floated up into the sky and were all joined together to create a colorful light in the sky called the Alaskan lights. Losing all sevens sons at once caused the mother great grief and for four weeks straight she cried on the same spot that the one son was pulled into the ground at. After four week the mother noticed a sprout coming up from the ground. This sprout was from the son and eventually turned into a never before seen tree. This tree was named after the son and was called the Spruce tree. This is the origin story for how the Alaskan lights and Spruce tree came to be.
Author's Note
For this recreated story of "The origin of the Peiades and the pine" I decided to keep the same concept but change a few details. The first thing I did was change where the boys were and also had all the boys in the story to brothers that way a connection was felt between them. Next I changed the game that was played in the story to hopscotch because I had never heard of the original game in the original story. Then I changed what the mother put in the food to match the game. Lastly i changed what the boys changed into at the end of the story. Overall I added more detail to pieces of the story and also just made it an easier read to understand.
Bibliography: "Origin of the Pleiades and the Pine" by James Mooney
Hey Devin, I found your story to be interesting and nostalgic in a sense that reading the story made me automatically think of being at recess in elementary school or going outside to play with my friends in the neighborhood. I like how you made the characters put all their time into hopscotch and how it is a lifestyle to them. I like the transition of the story as well because it goes from lighthearted to dark when the kids summoned the spirits to take them away and cause a great deal of pain for their mom to endure. Excellent Work.
ReplyDeleteHi Devin!
ReplyDeleteI really enjoyed how much detail you put into your story here. I am a sucker for details in stories. I did not read the original story but I like the changes that you made in your authors note. The bond between brothers (any siblings actually) is always strong. I would suggest that you might breakup the text so it is not all in one large paragraph, help make it a little easier to read. I also like the transition from happy kids playing, to darker the mom losing all of her children at once. So much pain for the mother of the seven boys.
Hi, Devin! I really enjoyed reading your story and seeing how you decided to put your own spin and personality on the original version! I definitely really loved how much detail you put into your story! It made it really easy and fun to read and I was able to picture it like a movie in my head. I do not have any siblings so I cannot really relate to this story, but I feel like I was able to get an idea of what it is like to have a sibling from reading your story. I do like the transition you did from happy children to a grieving mother, and I think you wrote it very well. Overall, I really enjoyed your story and I hope to read more from you as this semester goes on!
ReplyDeleteHey Devin,
ReplyDeleteI think this was really well done as a rewrite of the original story. You were able to take all of the original elements and replace them with things that were very close. I wonder though if the mother deserved the punishment of losing her sons? She was only trying to teach them a lesson, and yet she lost so much. Crazy ending!
Hi Devin,
ReplyDeleteI liked your version of The origin of the Peiades and the Pine story! I like how your story was similar but you made subtle changes to make the story better. I think making the boys brothers so that they would have more of a connection was a really great idea as well. I also liked how you worded your story. It was very well written. Great job overall!
Hi Devin! I thought your story was really fun. I craved more of a back story from the characters though. I wanted to know what made them love hopscotch, why the mom had finally had enough, the events leading up to it. I thought it was really well written. The only thing I would change is the formatting of the story. More paragraphs so its not just one big lump.
ReplyDeleteHi there Devin. I think the concept of your story was really cool and I liked the ideas you had to alter it. I got a bit confused here and there because I feel like so much happened at once. You have room to add in more detail or context to really draw out the story and help connect the dots better for your readers! I didn't get to read the origin story but, I do think that from your Author's notes that you did a great job at recreating it in your own way!
ReplyDeleteHey Devin I really liked your story because it showed how the original lights came to be. I found that many Native American stories explain where things came from and I definitely felt like you were doing that with your own story. Also it was nice that when the one brother that went underground turned into a sprout and eventually a tree because that way all of them survived in some way.
ReplyDelete